Glyphs

I have things to say, so many things. This past week I have thought of so many things to say here, so many things to write on postcards and mail to Frank at PostSecret, so many thank you notes and emails to compose to so many people. Sometimes there's something like a stirring in my...mind? heart? pituitary gland?...that makes me want to write. I've forgotten many of these writing impulses as the days have rushed on by, most of them probably lost to the ether. But maybe I'll remember some of them as I type this.

***

I won a scholarship from my school this week. I got the email while I was in the frozen foods aisle of the grocery store at 5 pm Friday evening in my sweaty gym clothes. I was so excited that I punched a Boca burger in the face. It feels nice to earn some money for the first time in about eight months.

***

I like being normal. I aspire to normality. Not in the average, plain, or nondescript sense, but in the mainstream, natural, balanced sense. (Yes, I used a thesaurus for this. Go ahead and judge me.) Someone recently tried to make me feel very abnormal. This person used words as weapons against me and tried to make me feel that, because of my sexual orientation, I am bad, evil, deviant, less-than, other. This person tried to make me feel extremely abnormal.

It did not work.

I'm a confident guy. This is helpful in job interviews, class presentations and when driving. This is a detriment when playing football, buying used cars, or pretending that I know what someone is talking about when I really have no idea. In this particular confrontation, my confidence served me well.

But this whole episode really made me reflect on the experience of others, other people who are different, people who have more trouble fitting in and feeling normal that I do. Made me reflect on the ways that people harm and destroy each other. Thank God, there's been such a big movement lately towards affirmation and honesty and protecting vulnerable people from bullies, intimidation, and discrimination. Organizations like the It Gets Better Project are making a huge difference, media are recognizing the stories of gay and lesbian youngsters and the difficulties that they face at home, at school, and at church. Hate speech is being called out, and groups that actively work to undermine equal rights and enshrine their own narrow ideas of faith, family, and freedom are being exposed for the hacks that they are.

I wonder, though, what an incident like this would have done to me in an earlier, more vulnerable time in my life. We've seen so many stories over the last few months of kids who commit suicide because of peer and internet bullying, because of family pressures and hateful words. Kids kill themselves because of other people's words. I see kids at school every day who have been wounded by words and actions, by their family dysfunctions, by their parents and family members and teachers and classmates and community. I want to protect them, I want to help them rise above and achieve because of and regardless of these hurdles. This is part of my calling.

Thank you, person who tried to hurt me, for reaffirming this for me and helping to strengthen my resolve.

***

It is 70 degrees here. Every day. Why doesn't everyone live here? This not-living-here, this is a form of madness.

***

In terms of frequency and magnitude, I may be having more fun at this time in my life than ever before. My friends here - mostly my classmates and their significant others - are the most remarkable group. They make every class day, every weekend, every event and gathering a riot.

We have crazy fun, and thankfully most of the picture proof on Facebook is locked away behind "Friends Only" barriers. Our first professor this past summer, our technology teacher, warned us about this.

***

I've noticed a law of diminishing returns in regards to my dating life here in Phoenix. Which is to say, every guy I go out with is a bigger bum than the last.

No, not really a bum. Just not for me. Actually this last guy that I saw for a couple of dates, I came to the conclusion that we actually had too much in common. All the things that I usually say on a date, the things that are supposed to make me unique and memorable, he said them. We have all this geography and perspective and academic history in common, and it just weirds me out. We even kind of look a bit alike. Maybe I'm expected to be into that, you know, since homosexuality is really just a narcissistic personality disorder, but I'm not.

***

I miss this one TV show (as in yearn for and feel sentimental feelings towards, not as in fail to watch) like pretty much every Sunday night. That's a fairly embarrassing thing to admit all in its own right, so I'm not going to do myself the further embarrassment of telling you what cringe-worthy show it actually is. Suffice it to say that it no longer comes on, and that I wish it did. It had really interesting, complex characters and outlandish soap operatic plotlines. I was a big, fat fanboy.

But when I think about it, I guess I'm not really missing the show as much as I am missing a specific time in my life. I was much younger, I was in the midst of my first really fulfilling and enjoyable job experience, I was living on my own and managing to have a pretty cool little Chattanooga futon-in-my-apartment life. It was all very just-barely post-collegiate and innocent. It was a very good time in my life, and I shared it with some fictional TV friends.

***

Oh, but this is a very good time in my life too, and I'm sharing it with some extraordinarily sweet, hilarious real-life friends.

Here are a few of those people, and a few of those photos that you maybe can't see on Facebook.

Thanks to Liza, Kati, Michelle, and Roxi for the photos.

Currently Listening to

The King is Dead by the Decemberists and

Last Night I Watched

The Town with Ben Affleck and it was phenomenally good.