Backup
We are all moving; exciting things are happening in our lives. I asked this friend if the next couple of weeks were going to be difficult for him, emotionally. He said simply, straighforwardly, somewhat quickly, no. (I hope he doesn't mind me sharing this. Anyway, I'm not using his name, so you'll never know who he is! Ha.) He said that he thinks it will be a bit more difficult for his wife, but that he doesn't expect to feel much, you know, sadness. (I'm paraphrasing like crazy here.) He isn't too attached. But there is an element of something else. Some guilt. A feeling of leaving people behind, people who - I suggested - may very well have become attached to him.
I feel this way also. There are a few people here in Chicago whom I will miss, and miss greatly. People who have become dear to me. I feel sad to leave them. My heart will be heavy when we say goodbye. I'll even tear up over a couple of them. But in general, leaving now, I'm excited, and I'm going to feel that excitement of being the one off to see and experience and conquer a new place. But I feel bad about leaving. I feel some guilt; I feel like I am abandoning people. (It seems based on this sentence that I have a very high opinion of myself. I don't think that is necessarily the case, but perhaps it is.) I actually felt bad when I gave my notice at work last Friday. For the most part, these people have been very nice to me. They have offered me opportunities, they have supported me and looked out for me. They have been my coworkers and pals. I respect them and thank them.
I guess I feel a bit of the abandoner's guilt. My other friend on the phone told me that I am fortunate to be single, to be able to move, to seize opportunities and not have those attachments that make these kind of life transitions so much more difficult. She asked me not to be offended by that. I'm not offended in the least. (How could I ever be offended by something that she said? Okay, well, there was that one time...)
And sometimes, the best times, I even agree with her.
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I'm making a Chicago bucket list. Less than a month now, and I'm out of here. The clock is ticking, and there's still so much that I haven't done yet.
There are a few things on the list that I just want to do. Everything else is on the list as a response to this imaginary future conversation:
Person to Whom I am Speaking: Oh, you lived in Chicago? Did you ever...
Me: Oh, no, I never actually...
PtWIaS: Oh, well, you must have been to...
Me: Well, you know, I'm not actually from Chicago, so...
PtWIaS: But you were there how many years? You must have eaten at...
Me: No, somehow I never quite made it there. I heard about it, but just never got around to...
PtWIaS: Wow, you've really got to go back there some time and check these things out.
Me: Will you excuse me please? I've just got to...
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I just had the best weekend with my dearest, darlingest friends Sarah and Kati as they were in town for - primarily - a visit with me, and a little sidecar medical conference hobbnobbery also. We ate and talked and drank, (there was some Sunday night dancing in there as well) and I personally just had the warmest, most delightful time. I love those girls.
Tonight I went to one of those wonderful movie premieres with my (pardon the crudity, but she is pretty celeb-obsessed) starfucking friend Happy. They plied us with alcohol and food at this swanky Brazilian steakhouse ahead of time, and I ate this lovely plate of meat pictured below. The movie was still A-W-F-U-L. Richard Roeper was sitting in the press row behind us, so I stole a glance his way every now and then. He went catatonic just a few minutes in, from what I could gather.
Currently Just Watched:
The Backup Plan
Key quote from the film: "I think you are going to leave this place and really regret it."
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