Life at an Intersection

Chicago Phoenix, indemnity bonds, journaling, really really really want a zigazig ah, travel, books, travel books, relationships, values. It is hard to pinpoint precisely, but I'd say about 82% of what you read here is true. The rest is fictional nonfiction.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

How You Survived the War


We had a warm today. The ice is getting thinner.

Currently Listening to:
Hideaway by The Weepies - a total heartbreaker and
Noble Beast by Andrew Bird - still loving this one


I got my Verizon bill yesterday and was surprised and horrified to see the total had floated northwards of $50. You know me, and you know how much I (don't) talk on the phone, so for me to spend that ludicrously high amount of dinero on my stupid cell phone makes me hopping mad. I never come within a country mile of using all of my minutes. I do text like an angry Irishman sometimes, though, and that was the case here; I used 330 of my allotted 250 texts last month. That's fine, lesson learned, I'll be more careful next month.

You know what my ultimate texting pet peeve is, though? One word texts. What a waste of a message! You just sent me a message that said, "OK" or "Thanks"? That's 1/250th of my messages for the month, you jerk. I got one this morning from a coworker who was running late. Jerk face! Ugh. I guess lots of people have unlimited texts and they take it for granted that everyone else does, too.

Currently Watching:
The Wire, Season 1

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Roll On


I got my work wife Sofia a Snuggie for her birthday last week. She enjoyed the joke.

How do you like the new page updates? I know that the colors and layout of this blog have been gouge-your-eyes-out ugly for a long time, so I spent a little time doing some research and fiddling around this last weekend, and here's what I came up with. Hope it is a little easier to look at and a little more enjoyable, too.

Speaking of eyes, my new glasses shipped yesterday! I can't wait. I bought a new old coat at Urban Outfitters this past weekend, too. It is a really cool refurbished Sears cordoroy coat with big lapels and roomy front pockets and fuzzy lining. It looks like the kind of coat I've seen my Grandpa wearing in old black and white photos, so I imagine that it was his once upon a time, and I've just acquired it for the family once again.

In slightly more unsettling news, I've developed a couple of weird little tics in the last few weeks. Let me tell you about them so that you can make fun of me more effectively and accurately. I've started making this little kapow explosion sound (like when the coyote falls off the cliff while chasing the roadrunner) when something doesn't go well or I mess something up or there is confusion or negativity. Also, I've taken to rolling my eyes. I do it on the bus when someone is an idiot. I do it several times a day when one of my coworkers says ignorant, stupid, or obnoxious things. I do it constantly when watching the oh-so predictable plot twists of The L Word.

I'm really craving a Blizzard from Dairy Queen tonight. That would be nice.

Currently Watching:
Future Husband Dustin Lance Black's Oscar acceptance speech

Saturday, February 21, 2009


The snow has returned to Chicago. We've had a really quiet and clear - though cold - February, but last night and today we've gotten several inches. It is kind of nice, since we had a break.

I watched the movie Dan in Real Life last night. I thought that it was a very sweet movie, kind of quiet and mostly kind. There were several moments when I thought, "Aww, I hope my family will be like that someday." The movie takes place at one of those large family vacation gatherings, the kind where you have big dinners together but everyone eats breakfast on their own. The kind where there's a big, ridiculous football game and at least one awkward family fight. You know the kind.

I think about the future a lot these days. (It is certainly better than thinking about the past.) I wonder what life will be like in the context of my family in the next few years. (I think I keep going back to this theme often; sorry if it is boring to you.) 30 isn't creeping up on me anymore - it is running at me, full tilt boogie. When I find someone to live and love my life with, when we become a family together, how will that be received in my larger family? Sure, I'm out to my parents and sister's family, but their level of acceptance is, on a scale of 1 to 10, probably a 2 - meaning that they don't beat me with broomsticks and curtain rods when something is said that relates to my gaiety, which would qualify as a 1. I'm not out to my extended family - aunts, uncles and cousins - and I'm working on a little something to rectify that at the moment. I think this will probably create some strain in the short term with my immediate family as they are better with the status quo, don't ask, don't tell policy that I've been playing along with for the last several years. But there's absolutely no reason why this should go on even a moment longer, why every last person in the world shouldn't have easy access to the knowledge that I'm gay.

In a slightly tangential note, I don't enjoy playing the eunuch bachelor uncle/cousin/nephew at Christmas, holidays, weddings and special events. It is creepy and false. So they are all going to have to get over that hump (pun intended) or stop seeing me.

Life is getting better. I have the upcoming weekend off of work, and I'm trying to make some plans for a getaway. I'm still waiting on my new glasses to arrive.

Currently Listening to:
"The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades is Out to Get Us!" by Sufjan Stevens

Thursday, February 19, 2009

5th and 27

My bank got robbed on Tuesday. Tuesday was also my co-worker and current BFF Sofia's 27th birthday. Coincidence? Yes, actually, it was.

So, it was like 10:30 in the morning. All of my co-workers had arrived for the day; there's only five of us in the branch, and we all work on Tuesdays. I told my manager that I was going to step out for a few minutes, walk a couple of blocks down to the grocery store, and get a cake for our mini-birthday celebration. I put on my coat and headed out the door. About 10 minutes later, as I was agonizing in the bakery section over buttercream or whipped cream, pink or green, Sofia called me on my cell phone and said, "David, we just got robbed!" It was too much excitement to be believed, so I said, "What?" And she repeated herself, and I said, "Okay, I'll be right back." Then I realized that there wasn't anything that I could do about it, so I took another couple of minutes, decided on buttercream and pink, got her name put on the cake, paid, and headed back.

Waiting to cross the street, I counted four police cars with blue lights a flashin'. The place was swarming with cops, then upper bank management came, detectives arrived and the FBI was last on the scene. Apparently, just a minute or two after I left (was he watching the door?) this little guy came in with a paper bag and a note and told our other teller, Tuyet, to give him all her money. She was all alone at the moment, and the guy was really quiet, so no one else really noticed anything was up until he ran out the door.

So, the big bonus of getting robbed, besides being able to close the bank for a few hours and all the wildly atypical excitement that it brings, is that the bank buys you pizza for lunch. So our mini-birthday celebration turned into a raucous and crazy pizza, Diet Coke, and cake birthday/robbery extravaganza. I'm exaggerating grossly, of course, but it did make Sofia's 27th birthday and Tuyet's 5th robbery (!) into bigger events than they otherwise would have been seperatly.

I'm not going to lie - I'm disappointed that I missed the robbery. It would have been terribly exciting to have been there. And, tangentially, I wonder if it would have happened if I had been there. It is sexist but true that male bank employees are much less likely to be robbed, and even just the presence of a male employee decreases the likelihood of robbery.

Here is a link to the news story from the Tribune and WGN from the afternoon of the robbery. It is very inaccurate, though, as Tuyet says the picture isn't the same guy who robbed her, he never threatened harm to anyone and never even implied that he had a weapon. So that's about as inaccurate as you could get, I think. Also, the other three banks that are mentioned here are very, very far away from our bank, so it seems unlikely to me that they would all necessarily be related.


Meanwhile, today my dear Liza arrives in her new home of Portland, Oregon after four days of driving and driving and marathon driving across the country. I hope there will be someone at her new home to help her unload her car. Today is my day off, so I'm feeling a little guilty about not being there to help. I'm so excited for her, for all the new friends and opportunities and connections and life that is waiting for her there in Portland.


I wake up earlier now. I'm not sure why, I've even tried staying up later, but I'm still waking up around 6 every morning. I have all this craziness in my stomach then, too. Like stress and tension and worry and manic something or other.

Currently Listening to Mini-Playlist:
"Jump" by Madonna
"2 Kool 2 Be 4-Gotten" by Lucinda Williams
"Out of the Woods" by Nickel Creek
"Human" by The Killers

Currently Drinking:
A scorching hot Hot Apple Blast at Caribou

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Thank You for the Music


A triple trifecta in my mailbox tonight:
  1. Dunkin Donuts coupons - the only thing better than donuts? Donuts on sale.
  2. Mamma Mia on DVD from Netflix. I'm gonna be singing along, bitches.
  3. The most hilarious, heartfelt breakup sympathy card a boy could ever hope for.
Seriously, this card was all comfort and cursing and quotes from The Office, basically a perfectly formed note from a perfect friend. SBP, you are fantastic. I laughed out loud when I read this card, and that is neither expected nor allowed when experiencing existential grief and thoughts of despair. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Friends who have shared kind words and expensive phone calls and thoughts and time with me over the last few weeks, thank you. I don't have the most friends, but I do have the highest quality friends. I wish that I could live in the same area code as each and every one of you so that we could hang and chat and play cards and bond in good times and bad. I might even compromise that down to just living in the same country as all of you. Anyway, thank you for sharing life with me and nudging me towards better persondom.

Currently Reading:
Significant Others by Armistead Maupin

Abre Tus Ojos, Abre Tu Corazon


Yesterday was an especially boring day at work. I did a crossword puzzle. Never did get 5 across or 7 down.

Holy heck. I just ordered three pairs of prescription glasses at Zenni Optical for a grand total - including shipping - of $30.90. I went a little crazy because of how cheap some of those frames are; I ordered orange, red, and blue ones in slightly unconventional styles. Even if just one pair works out to be cool, it is still like $100 cheaper than getting a single pair at the optical shop. I'll let you know how they are when they arrive in a couple of weeks. If you have your recent prescription and know or can measure your PD, check it out. $5 shipping for as many pairs as you want to order.

Have you seen this Jane Seymour commercial for her new line at Kay Jewelers? She has "designed" some little squiggly thing, and they are making jewelry out of it called The Open Hearts collection. In the commercial she says, "My wish is that my open heart design becomes a universal symbol of hope and love." Here's what it looks like:


Jane, my dear, your universal symbol calls to my simple mind the image of a vicious, poisonous snake which is reared and ready to strike me in the calf. Also, in 100% of the world the image of a deadly serpent represents neither hope nor love. So much for that humbly held wish. Ah, the ridiculous hubris of celebrity. If I ever see anyone with this ugly thing around their neck, I'm going to ask them how long they've been a Pentacostal snake handler. Or a Satanist.

Today I filed my taxes. I usually do the good old-fashioned 1040 paper, pencil, and calculator deed, because it makes me feel careful and intellectually superior and accountant-like. But this year I e-filed, because it will be nice to have a little money back faster.

Currently Listening to:
"Let Down" by Radiohead and
"Simple Together" by Alanis Morissette

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Neo Futurists

I think that part of what's been so difficult for me over the last couple of weeks has been that, for a while now, I have thought that Kevin was The One. I imagined that we would be married in the not-too-distant future. I thought that somewhere down the line we would probably have some children and a house. We would live our lives, travel, cultivate meaningful careers, grow old together and be a happy, loving, lasting family. I have imagined him in my future for so long that now, my future just seems sort of empty without him. And I don't know what to do about that.

It has been a hard day.

Currently Listening to:
Noble Beast by Andrew Bird

Miso Happy


Yesterday after work, my pal Sofia had a really nice surprise for me. She took me out to the 'burbs for a little mini-adventure, and we ended up at this very wonderful Japanese supermarket called Mitsuwa. The best part about this place was the food court, replete with some of my absolute Asian food favorites. I've never been much of a food person, but I became completely addicted to all forms of Asian cuisine during my days in Taiwan; I still dream of beef noodle soup and fried dumplings from the Overseas Dragon restaurant. Anyway, I had some stellar Ramen, and Sofia had the fried pork chop cutlet, and then we got these matcha (Japanese green tea) ice cream sundaes. They were so good. Besides the ice cream, there were these weird jelly lima bean things and biscuit/cracker pieces, and the dark stuff in there is actually red bean, not chocolate. Phenomenal.

The supermarket part of the store actually reminded me of how hard it was grocery shopping in Taiwan and how I used to buy mostly familiar, American foods. When it came to snack foods, I usually just bought Oreos and Pringles and Snickers. So I didn't buy any groceries there at Mitsuwa, because it turns out that what I really want is someone to cook all that wonderful food that I love for me. I guess I should have married the Fried Chicken Man from Ching Hai Road or one of those Teppanyaki chefs when I had the chance and brought him home with me.

Anyway, three cheers for Sofia! She knows just how to make me happy.

Currently Listening to:
Death Cab for Cutie, "Someday You Will Be Loved"


Thursday, February 5, 2009



Music has been a great help and distraction to me in the last week. I've had to eschew much of my personal music collection, though, since I seem to be excessively drawn to melancholy and maudlin. I also had to make the command decision to change the radio station at work. We usually listen to The Light, which is a veritable treasure trove of Phil Collins and Peter Cetera's greatest, most heartbreaking hits. I couldn't stomach that, so we've been rocking (quietly) to XRT this week. At home, Pandora has been great. Last night R.E.M.'s Losing My Religion came on, and I really listened to the words, intently, for the first time. Surprise! They have nothing to do with faith or religion, and everything to do with the emotions of a break-up.

Life is bigger, bigger than you
And you are not me


So, Congress and the President are postponing the digital transition of TV. This pisses me off. People with basic, over the air reception have had like a year and a half to get their $40 government coupon, buy their box, and hook it up to their antenna. Every 5th commercial on TV is, "Are you ready for the digital transition, coming February 17?" The bottom line for me is this: anyone who is unprepared for February 17 is also going to be unprepared for June 12. The only thing that will cause these people to prepare is actually losing their TV reception. "Hey, my TV doesn't get any channels any more. How can I fix that?"

Currently Watching:

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Ellie Monster

Here's some cute pictures of a little girl that I love. They had a little snow down in Lynchburg, and she got to go out and enjoy it with her dad and mom.




For Christmas, I got her three little Sesame Street tee shirts during my visit to New York City last fall. I told Amy to dress her with Elmo, Oscar the Grouch, and Cookie Monster as her mood dictated. I guess she had the munchies yesterday.


She and Asher can be tee shirt twins!

Also, I had a much, much better day yesterday. Thanks for asking.

Currently Listening to:
The Format, Interventions and Lullabies

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I Feel It All

In the last few years, several people have told me that I am a poor communicator. Maybe not in so many words, but in statements like, "Why don't you ever talk about what's going on with you?" or "Why can't you be open with me and tell me what's on your mind?" or "You are not a good communicator." I guess that last one is in so many words. Well, after the next few weeks, I'm thinking that everyone's going to be saying the exact opposite, like "Too much information," and "Just shut up already."

My main dream last night was interesting: Sheryl Crow performed a mini-concert during the Sunday morning service at my parents' home church. She was on some sort of church tour and was warmly received at this most unlikely of venues. I think she might have been playing a harp during one of her songs, and she definitely left all her songs featuring beer, one night stands, and hells & damns off the set list. It was still a great concert, though I heard many people complaining that it was too short.

I had a rough night last night. I told Liza earlier that everything is easier in the daylight, and that seems to remain true. Going home at night, new realities set in, and everything seems a bit more unbearable. The future's got me worried such awful thoughts, etc. Sometimes I feel kind of like I'm falling through empty space. How do I abandon my best friend and companion of nearly four years and continue my life with some semblance of normality? That isn't normal; I want to pick up the phone and call him. I have so many things to say. I want to send him a text message that uses the f-word a ridiculous number of times. How do I go back to the times when I was okay with being alone? I used to be so good at being alone. How do I become okay with not knowing anything about his life, when it used to be a life that we pretty much lived together? I need to know whether he's safe and happy, or if he needs some help or learned something new. But now I can't know anything about him, because it hurts too much, those old wounds.

I went way back in my email last night, back to the beginning of our friendship, through the first part of our dating. There was so much happiness there, so much excitement at having found a new friend, having found someone to love life with. Then I found this photo music video that Kevin made me last summer. It is made mostly of pictures from our trips (the boring routines of everyday life don't make very compelling slide shows), but I think it does a pretty good job of capturing the happiness, too.

Currently Listening to:
Pandora Radio

Sunday, February 1, 2009

I Have No Problem With That


I love my co-worker and friend Sofia. She kept me laughing and in good spirits through the work day yesterday, a most impressive feat. She even offered to break up with her long-term boyfriend (soon to be fiance!), so that we could go through all this drama and sadness together. Now there's a selfless - if morally questionable - friend. Then, when I turned down that generous offer, she came up with about 15 different things that we could do together this weekend to stay busy and have fun and keep our minds occupied. They were all great ideas, and I promised her that we would hang out next week sometime, but I told her that I really need to spend this weekend alone, thinking and writing and watching funny TV shows and reading and being disgustingly emotional.

Speaking of questionable values, I think that is the most daunting thing for me about the already near-impossible task of Finding Someone. There just aren't that many gay guys out there that share much of the same moral code as me. For instance, and sorry if this is too much information - skip ahead why don't you? - I would prefer to meet someone, build a friendship, start a relationship over time, and then include sex. Hopefully that startling revelation didn't rock your world too much. But it probably isn't much of a news flash either for me to say that most gay men go right for the sex. They reason something like, hey, we're men, we can keep things no-strings-attached and purely physical. That seems very distasteful and empty and disrespectful to me, and isn't something that I could justify based on my own personal morality. So that rules out about 95% of eligible men for me.

You know what I want, ultimately? To be married, one half of an old, boring married couple like my parents. Not exactly like my parents (who would say that?), but in the same fashion as my parents. I won't apologize for wanting something very conventional, and wanting to take a very traditional route to get there.

TV is kind of back! Scrubs, Lost, The Office, 30 Rock! Survivor in a couple of weeks. I started watching The Wire, Season 1 last night on DVD. Has anyone seen it? I'm only on episode 3, but it is a really cool show so far. I don't normally get into cop shows, and anything involving drugs is usually a total downer, but something about this show gets my attention. The language is awful, and that actually does bother me. I guess I'm coming off as some sort of naive prude this morning. :) Also, I've been watching the first season of Arrested Development on, because it is one of those shows that people rave about, and I wanted to see what I missed. It is actually quite funny once you get into it, and hulu is a great, free way to watch it.

Yesterday after work I walked down to Diversey Harbor, one of my favorite spots. There's still a few inches of snow on the ground everywhere, but the path was pretty well worn. There were lots of Canada geese out on the ice. Hey, where do all the boats go during the winter? I walked up the lakeshore path to Belmont and enjoyed having the wind on the right side of my face and the sun on my left.

Currently Listening to:
Emotionalism by the Avett Brothers

Twitter / Davie_St

Words That I'm Living By - 5/2/2010

Time, as I've known it
Doesn't take much time to pass by me
Minutes into days, turn into months
Turn into years, they hurry by me
But still I love to see the sun go down
And the world go around

Dreams full of promises
Hopes for the future, I've had many
Dreams I can't remember now
Hopes that I've forgotten,
faded memories
But still I love to see the sun go down
And the world go around

And I love to see the morning
as it steals across the sky
I love to remember and
I love to wonder why
And I hope that I'm around
so I can be there when I die
When I'm gone

I hope that you will think of me
In moments when you're happy and you're smiling
That the thought will comfort you
On cold and cloudy days
if you are crying
And that you'll love to see
the sun go down
And the world go around
And around and around

"Around and Around" by Mark Kozelek

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